


And So It Goes

by jane_x80



Series: Unlovable [4]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 06:25:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6144481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_x80/pseuds/jane_x80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Jeanne seeks Tony out and they have their conversation, he must make some decisions and resolve things with Gibbs.</p><p>Takes place after <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5491601">The Conversation</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	And So It Goes

**Author's Note:**

> Finally, the next (and probably final) installment of the Unlovable series. My apologies for taking so long to finish this. Got distracted by a bunch of things. I definitely recommend reading this series in order.
> 
> There were two songs that I obsessed about while writing this. Tony's side of the story is perfectly expressed by Billy Joel in his amazing song [And So It Goes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJJS5ser3k0). I'd say it's the inspiration for this story, and also this story's title. But for Gibbs' perspective, I balanced it with [Wood Song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtU1PZaDv1g&sns=em) (Indigo Girls).

Unfortunately, they do not have a chance to discuss Jeanne for a while because their investigation into the theft of the classic car turns into uncovering a sophisticated car theft ring operating up and down the eastern seaboard. The MCRT finds themselves involved in the investigation, along with the FBI, DEA, ATF, and Coast Guard where cars, drugs and firearms are being moved in the same shipping lanes, in and out of the country. They work non-stop with the joint inter-agency team for over two weeks before they finally bust the ring wide open.

There are coordinated strikes on several key points in the organization by the joint task force. Doors are kicked down, warrants served, searches conducted. At a warehouse near the Port of Baltimore, Tony, kitted out in Kevlar, heavy work boots, and an earwig and armed with multiple handguns, an assault rifle, and knives strapped to his thighs, leads a small team comprising of a mixed bag of similarly armed federal agents, storming it with Tactical Units, knowing that it is the main weapons cache. There is a gun battle and when it is all said and done, there are three casualties (none of them feds) to be taken for tea and crumpets by Ducky. Injuries include two criminals and one FBI agent sent to the hospital with gunshot wounds, and Tony sports a huge bruise in his chest from where his Kevlar vest stopped a bullet. However, Tony is satisfied with their performance as he works to secure the warehouse and process everything into evidence.

They are able to sweep up what they believe to be a large part of the ring, at least within the country, in the coordinated strikes which take place over the course of four hours.

Afterwards, there is a long period of interrogations, a few more follow up busts, the results of the financial analysis and even more busts. And then there is the long process of filing the paperwork for such a convoluted case, and handing off the international connections to Interpol as well as various countries’ local law enforcement.

Unfortunately, the Admiral’s Mustang is nowhere to be found – probably already on a ship to be sent to a foreign country where classic American muscle cars bring even more money than domestically. There is still a slight hope that Interpol will recover the car, but at this point there is no guarantee of this. The drugs and the weapons will be the highest priority for Interpol.

The MCRT is deep in the action, working practically 24/7 for over three weeks. When everything is finally completed, Vance gives the team the rest of the week off, and tells them not to return until the following Monday morning.

McGee and Bishop pack up and leave right away, in case Vance changes his mind. Tony glances over to Gibbs’ desk where the older man is still bent over some folders.

“You headed home, Boss?” he asks.

Gibbs looks up, looking at Tony over the reading glasses perched on his nose. “I have a few more things to do. Be leaving in a couple of hours.”

Tony nods. “You want me to wait for you?”

Gibbs shakes his head. “Go on home. I’ll see you there?”

Tony nods, trying to suppress the pleased smile. Even exhausted after this long case, Gibbs is still asking after him, and making sure that he knows that he is wanted in Gibbs’ home and in his life.

“What do you want for dinner?” he asks, getting his things together and shutting down his computer. “I can stop by the grocery store and make us something maybe?”

Gibbs looks at Tony, noting the dark circles under his eyes. They are all wiped out after the intense case. “Let’s just get takeout,” he says. “It’s been a long few weeks. You don’t need to cook. We can get something delivered or you can pick some takeout on your way home?”

Tony nods. “You got any preference?”

Gibbs shrugs. “You decide.”

Tony tidies his desk, puts a few things into his backpack – including his dirty clothes from living in the office for practically the past week – and, slinging it over a shoulder, gives a short wave goodbye to Gibbs. As he drags himself to the elevator, it surprises him how comfortable it feels discussing dinner options with Gibbs, and that it hadn’t even really occurred to him that he wouldn’t be spending the night with Gibbs even though they have barely been home in the past three weeks. Also surprising is that Gibbs’ house feels even more like home to him now, much more so than it used to. Over the years, he’d always been a somewhat regular visitor, wandering down to Gibbs’ basement with beer and pizza whenever he felt like low maintenance company, or if he needed to discuss something – a bad case, something related to his father, anything. Gibbs’ house has always been like a sanctuary for him as well. In the past, there were times when he felt like he was overstaying his welcome, or that Gibbs needed space, and so he would stay away until he felt Gibbs could take his presence again. There have also been years where their relationship was so strained that Tony stayed away from the basement for months at a go. But now, he knows he is always welcome. He has not just been welcome in Gibbs’ basement, but definitely in his life and is even sleeping in Gibbs’ bed. But still not _sleeping_ in Gibbs’ bed.

He tries to wrap his brain around the pang of disappointment he feels at the fact that although they have been sleeping together for close to two months now, and their behavior towards each other is definitely that of a couple in a committed relationship, somehow he has still not managed to initiate anything past deep kisses in the bedroom. It is most unlike him. And while it had made sense for a while, he begins to wonder if it still does. He has been thinking about this since the conversation with Jeanne.

The last few weeks have been completely crazy and he has not had any quality alone time with Gibbs. He finds that he misses it. He misses being able to relax and unwind in the evening, watching a movie or a game on TV, Gibbs’ arms around him. It doesn’t matter whether they spend the night at his apartment or Gibbs’ house, as long as Gibbs’ arms are around him for at least some part of it. It’s not even for the whole evening as Gibbs still spends time in the basement with his boat. Sometimes Tony sits on the basement steps and chats with him, but sometimes he continues watching TV, or even pulls out his laptop and gets some work done. Tony finds that he is spending less and less time in the office in the middle of the night – sleeping in Gibbs’ arms and in Gibbs’ bed, he is plagued with much fewer nightmares and sleepless nights, so he has started working in the evenings on his laptop to make up for the time spent actually sleeping at nights.

He thinks back to the conversation that he’d had with Jeanne. It feels like so long ago now, but it has only been a few weeks since Jeanne had urged him to go home, let Gibbs love him and love him back. To stop holding himself back and being afraid of the bad things that could happen, but instead embrace the good. To not continue to live with regrets.

He keeps thinking back to what Gibbs had originally said: that he would wait until Tony was ready, until Tony trusted in him, believed that what he felt was real, that he would never get tired of him or want to throw him away. And he wants to believe it, wants so much to believe that everything will work out and perhaps, for once in his life, he will get what he wants and be able to be with the person he loves, and who miraculously loves him back. But there is such a huge part of him that just is simply unable to take anything on faith. To believe in anything, even in Gibbs.

This part of him isn’t new. This part of him was created by the little boy whose mother accidentally drank his pet sea monkeys while she was drunk. This part of him is the twelve-year-old who was sent away to boarding schools and military schools so as to not be underfoot and cramp his father’s style. This part of him reflects the feelings of the child who was so programmed to be unobtrusive and independent that he was accidentally left behind at the Hilton in Maui, abandoned, only to be discovered days later, having lived on room service and pay-per-view. He’d certainly been frightened by this experience, but sadly, even at that age, not surprised that it had happened. And it had only strengthened the part of him that chooses to keep himself aloof from everything, because wanting and hoping and needing things or people only hurt him. This part of him is the child whose parents never made it to any of his concerts, or recitals, or basketball games, or football games. But instead of giving up and hiding himself away in obscurity at this lack of acknowledgement, instead, he participated in everything, knowing full well that nobody would ever come just to see him perform or play, even though by doing this he opened himself up to being hurt every single time there is no one there to support him. But even as a young child, he knew that participating and appearing to be socially balanced would be the perfect mask to hide this part of him that holds all the many hurts that he had already been dealt with in his young life. This part of him is the child who has learned never to expect anything but the worst, and to snuff out every bit of hope in order to stop from being hurt and disappointed over and over again.

This part of him has always been a huge part in defining who he is. And he is unsure if he will ever be able to let go of this part of him. It has been the reason he survived his entire childhood. It has defined his entire existence. It has helped him keep himself apart from practically everyone he has ever met – better to keep it to a superficial acquaintance rather than risk heartbreak and rejection down the road.

But he wants so much to be what Jeanne told him to be. He wants to love Gibbs openly and without reservation or fear. He wants to be loved the same way in return. Gibbs has already offered him that. It is something that is finally within reach, if he can only take the chance and forgo listening to this huge, defining part of himself.

Can he do that? Can he let go of this important part of himself, the non-trusting, faithless part of him? Is being with Gibbs – Jethro, he corrects himself – more important to him than protecting himself? Is it even possible for him to let go of this part of himself?

As he waits for the takeout to be ready – he’s stopped by his favorite Italian bistro and ordered food to go – his mind keeps going round and round. He stops at the grocery store to pick up beer and groceries for the next few days, and he also impulsively picks something else up and checks out, trying not to think about it or talk himself out of anything.

Then he goes home. To Gibbs’ house. He puts the groceries away, knowing exactly where Gibbs keeps everything, and places the take out in the fridge to be reheated later when Gibbs comes home. He runs up and showers before he prepares for Gibbs’ return.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of hours later, Gibbs enters his house, sighing with relief at finally being able to come home and relax. The past few weeks have been very difficult – solving the case, the strain of inter-agency cooperation, never Gibbs’ strong suit to begin with, the interrogations, the endless paperwork, and the lack of downtime and quiet time with Tony. And in the end, they were still unable to close their original case, the original car theft that had eventually led them to the joint operation and the impressive busts.

Gibbs is ready to eat some food and collapse in bed with Tony for the next two days before spending some quality time on the boat and tending to his still fragile second. Speaking of Tony. The downstairs is dark – Tony is not watching television or even dozing on the couch as he’d expected him to be. He peeks out the window and assures himself that Tony’s car is in the driveway. Well, he could just be completely exhausted and already in bed, Gibbs tells himself.

He puts his keys down, shrugs out of his coat, kicks off his shoes, and walks into his dark living room. Then he sees it. The rose petals scattered on the floor, starting from the foot of the stairs, leading upstairs. The petals are dark and shadowy in the darkness, but he can smell their fragrance.

Smiling, he takes his suit jacket off and tosses it on the couch. He puts his service weapon in the gun safe where Tony’s already is, and locks it and starts up the stairs, unbuttoning his sleeves and rolling them up as he ascends. The trail of rose petals takes him to his bedroom. He opens the door and peeks in. What awaits him takes his breath away. Quietly he walks in and shuts the door.

Fat candles have been lit and placed on the night stands and around the room, exuding a refreshing scent of vanilla and lavender. He can hear soft music – perhaps a little Miles Davis? – playing in the background, probably from one of Tony’s gadgets. And the pièce de résistance, a splendidly naked Tony is sprawled on his back on top of the covers on the bed, crushing the rose petals, sleeping soundly.

He tiptoes closer to the bed, stepping on the red petals on the floor. Tony’s sleekly muscled body, all loose and long-limbed, completely relaxed in sleep, all that golden skin bared just for him makes his cock twitch and begin to harden. His heart stutters at the sight of the gruesome bruise covering one side of Tony’s chest, from collarbone to sternum, and he finds himself mentally thanking the inventor of Kevlar. Yet again, his Tony had been fortunate enough to avoid serious injury or worse because of it. In the flickering candlelight, he notes the other scars on Tony’s body, mapping out his life as a law enforcement officer, serving and protecting others at great cost to himself. He remembers too many of the puckered pockmarks, remnants of bullet wounds received by his side, and in some cases even received on his behalf; his fearless Tony.

Even worse are the internal scars that Tony carries within him – the ones from his childhood and the ones from the tireless and thankless years serving as the biggest bastard’s Senior Field Agent. These are invisible to the naked eye and manifests in his many hidden insecurities and a lack of belief in his own self-worth which leads to Tony making what can be interpreted as reckless decisions, but is really the mental math that he does, weighing the worth of others against the self-perceived lesser worth of himself. So Tony is always at the front of the line, always acting for the good of others, always ready to sacrifice himself without a thought.

He sighs. That has been the uphill battle he has been trying to let Tony fight with himself. He has made it clear in both words and actions how much he values the younger man, and wants to share his life with him, but if Tony doesn’t believe that he is worth it, even if the relationship starts out well, he will find a way to torpedo it as a way to hasten the rejection part, which is something he is familiar with and knows how to deal with. Gibbs knows Tony’s MO. He’s seen it in action enough times over the years, ever since Wendy broke his heart all those years ago. And all the times he’s tried to fight for those he loves has not ended well. Although in the end, it has worked to Gibbs advantage as it has kept Tony single and free to accept Gibbs’ advances. Sort of. Since they haven’t moved past kisses and the occasional groping, even though they have been sleeping in the same bed for almost two months.

He sits on the bed and for long minutes, just feasting his eyes on Tony’s naked body. There is a hint of softness in his middle – age finally catching up with his golden boy – but he is still ridiculously attractive. The bone structure of his face, the full, sexy lips, the straight line of his nose – how he’s kept it so perfect in all the years of his scrappy fighting and broken noses, Gibbs doesn’t know – and the shock of straight brown hair, now much shorter than he used to have it when they first met. Back then it had always fascinated Gibbs how as the summer progressed, the tips of Tony’s brown hair would be bleached blond by the sun, a look that always suited the brash young man. But now he keeps it stylishly short, much more controlled, his image much more polished.

The younger man is in a deep sleep, not stirring even when Gibbs runs his fingers gently through his thick, brown hair, its softness always catching Gibbs off-guard. He smiles. In sleep Tony looks younger, the lines on his face smoothed out. He places a gentle hand on Tony’s cheek, calloused thumb caressing Tony’s enticing and shapely bottom lip. The younger man sighs in his sleep but still does not stir.

His fingers trail down Tony’s neck to gently prod the bruise in full bloom on his chest.

Tony awakens with a gasp, instinctively pushing Gibbs’ hand away.

“Well, I guess that answers that question,” Gibbs murmurs.

Despite the rude awakening, Tony turns his heavy-lidded, sleepy green eyes at Gibbs with a smile. “What answers what question?” he asks, his voice husky with sleep.

“I was wondering how much this still hurts,” Gibbs carefully places a finger on the bruise.

Tony sucks in a hissed breath. “Yeah, that’s still kind of tender,” he admits. “What time is it?” he says around a yawn, stretching luxuriously.

“2030,” Gibbs answers, his eyes still on the bruise. “Ducky didn’t tell me it was this bad. Crack any ribs?”

“Just bruised a couple,” Tony says dismissively. “Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

Gibbs frowns, fingers ghosting over the bruise, not wanting to cause any more pain. “I’m really glad you were wearing your vest.”

“Me, too,” Tony agrees.

“And that they didn’t hit you anywhere else.”

“Me, too.”

Gibbs stares at the bruise for a while longer before he shakes himself, refusing to dwell on the what-might-have-beens, a very real possibility for either of them every day that they go to work, and rakes his eyes lazily over the younger man’s body. “And what are you up to?” he asks, his tone playful.

Tony realizes that he is nude and lying on rose petals and grins up at Gibbs. “Well, this was supposed to be much more romantic than you coming home and finding me asleep,” he says sheepishly.

“It’s pretty romantic,” Gibbs disagrees. “You look amazing. Definitely something worth coming home to, beautiful.”

Tony rolls his eyes and leans up on an elbow. “Would’ve been better if I’d bothered to stay awake.”

“It’s been a long three weeks,” Gibbs says, suppressing a yawn. “We’re both exhausted.”

“I guess my timing could’ve been better.”

Gibbs smirks at him. “I think your timing is perfect,” he leans down and kisses Tony’s lips. Immediately, Tony wraps his arms around Gibbs’ neck, melting into the kiss, deepening it and exploring Gibbs’ mouth with his tongue.

“I missed you,” Tony mumbles into the kiss, sucking on Gibbs’ tongue.

Gibbs makes a noise that approximates a “Missed you, too,” as their mouths slant on each other hungrily. He kneels on the bed and slowly places his body on top of Tony’s never breaking the kiss.

Tony pulls away with another hissed breath at the slight weight on his poor, bruised torso, and immediately, Gibbs feels horrible. He tries to get off Tony, but the younger man holds him close.

“It’s OK. Just not too much weight on that part of my chest,” he says softly.

“Don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” Tony leans up and captures his lips in another thorough kiss, pulling him into a tight but careful embrace, wrapping his body around him. The kiss turns heated, Gibbs devouring his mouth, sucking on his tongue, his tongue delving deep into Tony’s mouth, exploring every inch of it, the taste of him causing his dick to throb. Tony moans into Gibbs’ mouth, opening his legs and wrapping them around the back of Gibbs’ legs, rubbing their hardening cocks together, groaning as he begins thrusting against him, the friction of Gibbs’ cloth-encased cock against his nakedness is unbelievably arousing.

Gibbs moans as Tony keeps adjusting their bodies so he is cradled within the younger man’s arms, and grinds himself into Tony’s erection. They finally pull apart when the need for oxygen becomes urgent. Gibbs places his forehead on Tony’s, ensuring that he holds himself up off of Tony’s chest with one elbow, the other hand caressing his face gently. He smiles down at him.

“What brought this on? Did I manage to earn your trust?”

Tony’s eyes are deep green, like the ocean at twilight. “Well…” he says hesitantly.

Gibbs reads the doubt still in his eyes, and immediately tries to pull away.

“Wait,” Tony pleads, tightening his arms and legs around the man.

“Oh, beautiful,” Gibbs says sadly, his erection waning. “You know what I said. I don’t want to go down this path with you until you’re ready. Until you trust me. Until you know in your heart that I won’t ever leave you, and that I will want you in my life forever. I love you too much to let us get so physically caught up in each other – because I guarantee that I will get caught up in you – only to have you run from me sometime down the road because we didn’t get this emotional stuff figured out up front.”

“I know,” Tony says softly, keeping his legs firmly around Gibbs’ back. He sighs as his fingers begin stroking Gibbs’ face. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot. It’s hard to explain.”

“Do you trust me?”

“With my life.”

“What about with your heart?”

Tony sighs, an exhale in frustration. Tony DiNozzo, whose forte is words, cannot for the life of him find the right words to try and explain himself.

“I don’t want to make love to you when you have doubt in your heart,” Gibbs says sadly.

“I know,” Tony bites his lips. “It’s not so much that I don’t trust you. That’s not the right way to look at it. It’s more, I don’t know if I’m capable of ever trusting anyone like that. And I don’t know if giving me more time is the answer. I know you love me, and I know you wouldn’t say that lightly. I do. I know that you believe it, that you want me and you love me. And I love you. More than anything else. More than I love _pizza_ ,” he grins when Gibbs’ lips quirk up in a wry smile. But when he continues, his words are slow and halting. “The thing is, there is a huge part of me, a huge part of what makes me me who will always be afraid. Who will always have doubt. There will always be that part of me that is scared to allow anyone in, or to allow myself to love anyone or commit to them, or have a proper, deep, and meaningful relationship with them. I-I hate to place blame on anyone, but it does stem from my childhood…my parents…damaged…me. M-my dad, especially…he kicked me down…well you’ve met him,” he looks into Gibbs’ eyes and sees the understanding there. “This doubting part of me kept me safe and made me survive that. And it’s so ingrained in me to protect myself.”

Gibbs nods understandingly. “I can wait,” he says softly. “I can chip away at your walls until you let me in.”

Tony’s eyes fill with tears. “I don’t know if it works that way,” he finally whispers. “Lately, all I’ve been thinking is maybe I’m so damaged it will never happen. That I’ll never be able to have the kind of faith that I need in order to be with you. That I’ll wait and wait for something that isn’t ever going to come. And I don’t want that. I don’t want to do that to you. And I don’t want to do that to me.”

“What are you saying?” suddenly Gibbs is seized by fear. This line of reasoning could lead Tony to talk them out of things before they even give it a real chance.

Tony blinks, and the tears slide down the sides of his face, out of the corner of his eyes. “I don’t want to wait. I want to believe you. I want to trust you. The fact that I’m still here, still your Senior Field Agent after all these years, that’s commitment. I wasn’t just committed to the job. I was – I _am_ committed to you. Do you see it?”

“But that’s at work.”

“It only manifested itself at work. But really, it was me trying to keep any connection that I can with you because I love you. Before I knew there was another way to be with you.”

Gibbs stares at him.

“Isn’t it enough that I want to believe you now, and that I want what you want? I don’t want to run away. I don’t want to hide from you. I want you to see me, all of me. And this is me. I’m fucked up. I know you see it. I want to change, I do. It sucks to always be so scared of letting anyone see me. But I’ve let you see me, see the real me, for weeks now. And you haven’t run away. You haven’t changed your mind. I see that. I feel it. Every day, and every night. And maybe wanting to believe you is enough of a change for now? That’s much more than I’ve ever been able to give anyone else.”

“I want all of you,” Gibbs words are soft.

“You have it,” Tony’s reply is firm. “You do. Even all the ugly parts that make me want to run and hide, you have me. All of the crazy things that I’ve kept hidden from the world, you’ve seen them all now. So you do have all of me. I’m even telling you just how fucked up I am because even though you do see it, and you do see me, I don’t know that you understand exactly what you’re seeing. Or how big it is that I’m letting you have all of me, even the parts that make me cringe away from myself. The trust thing? You have it. The doubt is wholly within myself. Do you see what I mean?”

Gibbs shakes his head.

“It’s not so much that I doubt you or your words, or your feelings, or even my feelings. I have doubts about myself. About how long it will be before you’ll get tired of me. But this doubt has nothing to do with you – it’s all that fucked up part of me that will _always_ have doubts, this fucked up part of me that has helped me get through all the fucked up things in my life, beginning with my childhood. Because I _am_ fucked up, Jethro.”

He pauses and nuzzles into Gibbs’ neck, fingers in his silky, silvery locks. “But I don’t want to be limited by my fucked-up-ness. I want it all, the way you want it all. I could have lied to you – I think I’m good enough, and you want me enough, that I could make you believe that I’ve lost all my doubts. But I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to start this with you over a lie. I need you to see all my faults, all my…insecurities. The truth about me,” he pulls back and looks straight into Gibbs’ blue eyes. “So maybe, what we need to do is be together – in every sense of the word. Love each other. In every which way. And maybe even on every surface of this house. And maybe we can help that fucked up part of me get smaller. Even if it never fully goes away, every time that part gets pushed into a smaller box, that’s a win. Every time it stops controlling my actions, or making me hide myself away to protect myself, every time I want to be more than my usual self, that’s a win. Me sticking by you for all these years, that’s a win.”

Gibbs stares at him wordlessly.

“The way I look at it, it’s like I’m a boat that needs sanding down,” Tony suddenly finds what he thinks are the right words. “But you’re not building me. You’re refining me. And you can sail a boat while you’re refining and maintaining it, right? The way I look at it, you have our lifetimes to keep working on that fucked up part with me. So let’s not hold back from each other now. I want to be with you. I want everything with you. I want to be happy with you. Please…?”

For long moments, Gibbs looks into Tony’s eyes, scrutinizing his face for micro-expressions. But the younger man’s face is open and unguarded – there is fear in his eyes, but also a strength behind it, a resolve. And more than anything else, the love that shines openly from the depths of his green eyes is so bright, it is almost overwhelming.

Slowly, Gibbs’ breaks into a smile. “Did you just say that we could be together on every surface of this house?”

Tony snorts. “ _That_ you catch?” he grins. “Well, maybe not your kitchen table. That thing is way too flimsy to hold the weight of two strapping men fucking the life out of each other. But my island, that we could definitely do. It’s granite!”

Gibbs chuckles for a moment, thinking it is high time he gets a new, much stronger, kitchen table, before he sobers up, gazing deeply into Tony’s eyes. “I think I understand what you’re telling me.”

“Do you?”

“You’re telling me that you are giving me your all, and to accept you the way you are, faults and everything.”

Tony nods slowly.

“And that you want what I want, but you’re not sure how to get there. But you think that if we worked on it, together, for the rest of our lives, that you could keep getting closer to it?”

“See? This is why you’re Team Lead and I’m just your smart-mouthed Senior Field Agent. You can boil down what I just yammered on for ten minutes into like two sentences.”

Gibbs smiles and he knows that for once, he is wearing his heart on his sleeve – his smile is full of love and gratitude.

“So, you think that’s enough for us to start with?” Tony asks, suddenly hesitant.

Gibbs nods slowly. “Yeah. I think that’s enough for me to work with. I’m a patient man, and I can sand for years and years.”

“Just don’t chop me up and burn me like you’ve done some of your boats.”

“You’re assuming I ever finish with you. I won’t ever finish you, plus we haven’t even addressed my issues, so there’ll just be more stuff for us to work on. Together.”

Tony gives him a small but genuine smile. “Thank you,” he whispers softly. “You’ve given me much more than you will ever understand. And you keep giving me more. I only hope I will deserve you one day.”

“I’m the bastard who’s lucky to have you in his life,” Gibbs grins. “If I were you I would’ve left me years ago. Now stop yammering and kiss me. I think you had other plans for me tonight? The trail of rose petals, the candles, the music in the background? If you’re going to seduce me, let’s see it. Show me your moves, DiNozzo.”

“I thought offering up all of me would be enough of a turn on that I wouldn’t need any moves,” Tony says, looking up at him through his eyelashes, as he subtly grinds himself up into Gibbs’ groin. The scorching under-eyelash look, combined with the movement immediately makes Gibbs’ cock harden again.

“Fuck,” Gibbs whispers in admiration, rubbing his hard cock against Tony’s burgeoning erection.

Tony is unable to hold back the pleased smile. “That wasn’t even a real move,” he brags.

“It worked,” Gibbs grins at him before leaning down, stopping when his lips are almost touching Tony’s. Without hesitation, the younger man leans up, closes the distance, and presses his lips to Gibbs’, teasing his mouth open with a combination of soft lips, questing tongue, and nipping teeth. Before long, Gibbs is moaning into his mouth, the heat and the sweetness of Tony’s lips. “You taste so good. So sweet,” he mutters into Tony’s mouth.

Tony pauses to give him a disbelieving look. “Nobody’s ever accused me of being sweet before,” he snorts.

“I didn’t say you were sweet. I said you tasted sweet.”

Another snort, silenced by Gibbs’ mouth latching on to his neck, sucking hard, then biting, and then soothing with his tongue. Tony’s sharp indrawn breath, the stifled moan, and his fingers unconsciously tightening in Gibbs’ hair makes his dick unbelievably hard.

Gibbs pulls away, sitting up on his knees, unbuttoning his shirt halfway and pulling it off frantically, needing to feel Tony’s skin on his, while the younger man works on his belt buckle and fly, pulling his pants and boxers down. Together they strip him of his clothes.

“I was right,” Tony whispers as he gazes on Gibbs’ naked body – all hard angles and smooth planes, the crisp smattering of chest hair, a darker gray than the silvery hair on his head. His eyes are drawn to Gibbs’ hard cock, bobbing at him, almost an angry dark red, demanding his attention. He reaches out and carefully runs his finger along its length, drawing a gasp and an involuntary bucking of his hips.

“What were you right about?” Gibbs gasps, as he lets Tony lie him down, the younger man sitting up, still intently staring at his cock.

“You _are_ a studmuffin,” Tony grins wickedly at him, his finger continuing to explore Gibbs’ erection, fingering the vein running down it, rubbing his thumb along the ridge of his cockhead, and in the slit at the end of it, spreading the pre-cum over the head.

Gibbs snorts in disgust. “Try agai---oh _fuck_!” he breaks off when Tony leans down, wraps his lips around the cockhead and sucks hard, his tongue taking over exploring the ridge on the underside of the head and plundering the slit. One hand claws at the sheets, while the other fists a handful of Tony’s hair.

The younger man takes his time, enjoying the musky taste of Gibbs’ pre-cum, exploring the cockhead thoroughly with his lips and tongue, scraping his teeth teasingly against the sensitive head, loving every gasped obscenity from Gibbs’ mouth.

“Please,” Gibbs finally gasps, begging for more, trying to thrust himself deeper into Tony’s hot, wet, mouth. “Please, please…”

Another wicked grin as the younger man begins rolling Gibbs’ balls as he keeps working on the cockhead. Without warning, he bobs down taking Gibbs’ entire length into his mouth, and when the head of Gibbs’ cock brushes the back of his throat, he swallows around it, and Gibbs moans long and low as he begins thrusting himself into his mouth, accompanied by muttered curses and praises. Tony moans with pleasure, hardly believing that this is Gibbs’ cock in his mouth, and Gibbs making those unbelievably hot sounds, causing his entire body to vibrate, and his own hard cock to weep in anticipation.

Gibbs balls begin tightening, drawing up, and with a strangled curse he pulls Tony off him, panting harshly, as Tony stares dumbly at him, so into pleasuring Gibbs that he is confused.

“Not tonight,” Gibbs tells him, one hand tight on the base of his cock, trying to pull himself away from the edge, preventing his orgasm. “I’m not going to last tonight. Been wanting you so long. Been hard for you every night we’ve slept together. Fuck, you’re so fucking hot. I need to be inside you,” he flips them over, covering the younger man’s body, carefully keeping his weight off Tony’s chest. He fists Tony’s rock hard cock, drawing a moan out of the younger man.

Tony opens his legs wide, knees up, offering himself to Gibbs. Blue eyes don’t leave Tony’s green ones as Gibbs stretches to the night stand, pulling lube and a strand of condoms out of it.

Tony shakes his head. “I haven’t been with anyone in months,” he tells him. “I’m clean.”

“Me, too.” Grinning, Gibbs tosses the condoms aside carelessly, one hand stroking Tony’s dick, relishing the strangled moans. He leans down to kiss his lips. “You’re holding back,” he tells the younger man. “I want to hear you. Don’t hold anything back.” He punctuates this by squeezing Tony’s cock. The younger man gasps, and nods.

Slicking his fingers with lube, Gibbs begins fingering Tony’s puckered hole, and comes away, pupils now completely blown as he stares at Tony. “You’ve prepared yourself,” he groans.

“Had some time to kill, waiting for you,” Tony says, and moans as he slides two fingers easily into the slippery hole, carefully finding his prostate and rubbing on it. “Oh god, right there, fuck right there oh fuck…” Tony moans the words, as he presses down into Gibbs’ clever fingers, squeezing them hard. Gibbs inserts a third finger and Tony loses himself in the sensations, allowing himself to react without thought – letting go of his inhibitions. When Gibbs leans down and sucks on his cockhead, he almost flies off the bed, entire body arched like a bow. “Fuck!” he growls. “Now. Now. Fuck me. Now,” he demands, reaching for Gibbs’ dick and pulling on him.

Gibbs lubes his cock, watching Tony’s lust-filled gaze. “How do you want to do this?”

“I want to see you when you’re inside me,” Tony’s reply is unhesitant.

Smiling, Gibbs leans down and captures Tony’s lips in a deep kiss. Tony’s legs wrap around him almost of their own volition, angling his hips upward, their cocks rubbing together deliciously. Gibbs pulls back, lines himself up and carefully pushes through the tight muscle, feeling how tight Tony still is despite the preparation. He eases himself in slowly, pulling back and easing back in deeper repeatedly until he bottoms out, Tony’s snug heat hugging him like a second skin, squeezing him gently, driving him crazy. He stops, panting, sweat pouring down his forehead and back, and stares into Tony’s eyes. “OK?” he grits out, wanting nothing more than to fuck him into the mattress.

Tony nods and gasps when Gibbs pulls out a little and slides home again, his eyes closing involuntarily. This is the first time that he has gone bareback in his entire life, and feeling Gibbs’ velvety skin inside him suddenly makes this that much more intimate, and the sensations somehow stronger than anything he has ever experienced. Not to mention that the thick cock inside him, filling him completely is Gibbs’, someone he’s loved from afar forever.

“Keep your eyes open,” Gibbs orders him. “You wanted to look at me. Look at me while I fuck you.”

Tony’s eyes snap open, and now, he keeps his eyes on Gibbs’ unable to look away while the older man begins thrusting into his hot, moist, body. He moves easily adapting to Gibbs’ pace, angling himself better, meeting each thrust, easily falling into rhythm with the older man, as easily as it had been for them to start working together and for Tony to begin anticipating Gibbs’ every need. When Gibbs adjusts the angle and begins pounding away at his sweet spot, his moans and grunts become frantic. He pulls Gibbs down, kissing him, letting Gibbs’ tongue fuck his mouth in tandem with the dick in his ass. Gibbs swallows his hot gasps as he thrusts deeper, harder. Tony’s legs are wrapped tightly around his waist, his fingers digging so hard into the older man’s hips he is sure there will be bruises there, but as their bodies move together in that delicious rhythm, all he can think of is to keep going, keep thrusting, and keep making Tony make those noises.

Tony wraps a hand around his dick, stroking himself in time. Gibbs slaps his hand away and takes over, his calloused fingers causing Tony to begin keening. His eyes are wide and frantic, and he arches off the bed, “Fuck Jethro. Fuck. I’m gonna come. I’m gonna…Oh _fuck_! _Ohhhhh!_ ” his body stiffens as his orgasm thunders through him, drawing a scream from his throat as he comes hard, harder than he thinks he’s ever come, shooting thick creamy jets of cum, spattering both their chests and bellies. His muscles contract around Gibbs’ dick and the older man loses his grip, coming hard deep inside Tony’s body, growling his name as he fills him with his seed. The gentle pulse of his release inside Tony’s body causes the younger man to quiver in response, more than just the usual aftershocks.

Conscious of Tony’s bruised ribs, Gibbs collapses to the side, turning them so Tony is sprawled halfway on top of him. The younger man’s eyes are closed, pulse hammering in his neck, breathing hard. Long moments later, Gibbs’ breathing and heart rate slows, and he caresses Tony’s smooth back. The younger man is still completely boneless and unresponsive. Gibbs grins to himself in satisfaction, running his fingers through Tony’s hair, and up and down his back, arms and shoulders.

When Tony finally comes back to himself, he finds himself cuddled up against Gibbs, his hands caressing him tenderly.

“Fuck,” he moans.

“I thought DiNozzos don’t pass out?” Gibbs teases him.

“I was just resting my eyes,” he protests weakly, opening his eyes and struggling to move his head to look up at Gibbs.

The older man gently cups his face and leans down to kiss him, a sweet, tender kiss. Then he reaches down, swipes the cum off his chest with one finger, and, Tony’s eyes widen as he puts it in his mouth and sucks and licks it clean. “Yep,” he nods slowly. “Definitely tastes sweet. You’re sweet all over. Inside and out.”

“You’re a dork,” Tony starts laughing helplessly.

“I’m the dork who fucked your brains out tonight,” Gibbs says smugly.

Tony hums and sighs happily, wrapping an arm around Gibbs’ body, resting his head more comfortably on Gibbs’ chest. He finally lifts up his head, feeling his cheek and temple. “I’m all covered in cum,” he complains, realizing that he has been cuddling Gibbs’ cum-covered chest.

Gibbs touches his hair. “Yep,” he says agreeably. “Even in your hair. So fucking sexy. Would be sexier if it was my cum all over you and in your hair.”

Tony grins and sighs. “Guess we should hose down.”

“Stay with me a little.”

They snuggle together, Tony starting to drowse as his fingers play idly with Gibbs’ nipple and his chest hair. “Never would’ve believed you’re a cuddler, Boss,” he says, yawning.

“What did I say about calling me Boss in bed?” Gibbs says sternly.

Tony grins saucily up at him. “You ordered me not to close my eyes there, Boss,” he winks. “A little bossy, no?”

Gibbs grins, enjoying the return of the sparkle in Tony’s beautiful eyes. “If you’re going to call me Boss, we need to talk about the fact that you have a resignation letter ready to go on your computer.”

Tony shrugs. “I’ve had it for years.”

“Since when?”

Tony makes a face. “Since you came back from Mexico,” he says softly, his tone ashamed.

Gibbs sighs. “I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life making up for Mexico and everything after, aren’t I?”

“No,” Tony smiles. “I’ll delete the letter tomorrow.” The younger man winces as he adjusts his position.

“Did I hurt you?” Gibbs asks anxiously.

Tony shakes his head. “Fuck, I didn’t feel anything except for you fucking me so hard my brains were coming out of my ears. This is just the usual bruised ribs crap.” He yawns, and his stomach growls loudly.

“Hmm, let’s get us cleaned up and get some food so we can get some well-deserved sleep.”

Gibbs helps Tony up off the bed, the younger man suddenly losing all energy, eyelids drooping. They take a quick shower together, Gibbs washing the both of them quickly and efficiently. They dry off and put on boxers and shirts, and go down to the kitchen. Tony sits in a chair, rubbing his aching chest absently, while Gibbs heats up their take out – steak for Gibbs and chicken parmesan for Tony. They sit at the kitchen table, eating together, Tony sneaking looks at Gibbs and smiling sleepily at him if he is caught. Despite his hunger, he only manages to eat a little of his dinner and Gibbs sees that he’s about ready to faceplant into his pasta. He puts their leftovers away and they both go upstairs, brush their teeth, Tony sheds his clothes unselfconsciously, dropping them carelessly on the floor, and crawls into the bed.

He carefully snuggles up to Gibbs, his head on the older man’s now-clean chest, and sighs. “Fuck, I’m exhausted.”

“Been a long few weeks.” Gibbs runs his hands up and down Tony’s back, caressing him. Tony hums in response. “We never got around to talking about Jeanne.”

Tony raises his head and blinks at Gibbs. “Nothing happened,” he protests.

“I know that,” Gibbs says gently. “You just never told me the details. Did she say hurtful things? Did she have more accusations?”

Tony shakes his head. “We cleared the air. She was…confused. Wanted to know if I loved her back then. If I still loved her now. Would I leave you for her.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry, I told her the truth. I did love her back then. I don’t love her anymore. And I wouldn’t leave you for her. I wouldn’t leave you. Not for anyone.”

“Did you tell her about me?”

Tony makes a face. “She guessed it was you when I used the pronoun ‘he’.”

“She _guessed_ it was me? How? She only saw me for two seconds!”

“I know. Don’t ask me how she saw it but none of the others have. But there you go.”

“Then what?”

“I told her to go back to her husband. He was a good man and doesn’t deserve all the shit that we went through coloring their lives.”

“Good. And what did she say?”

“She told me to go home and let you love me, and to stop fucking around or all you and I will have will be regrets, too.”

“She told you…?”

“Yep, pretty much told me to just take you home and fuck you, studmuffin.”

Gibbs growls at the endearment.

“She was right,” Tony says slowly. “It pointed me in the right direction. Baby steps. Me expecting myself to be a completely different person overnight was unrealistic. I knew that that perfect day, that perfect situation, that perfect moment when I’m everything I want to be for you, that day would never come.”

“It did come,” Gibbs interrupts. “Tonight. Perfect. Everything I could have hoped for. And I’m not just talking about the sex.”

Tony smiles and drops soft, open-mouthed kisses on Gibbs’ chest. He nods in silent agreement, his heart so full, he can’t find the words to express himself.

“I love you,” Gibbs whispers, fingers in Tony’s hair, rubbing the back of his neck gently.

“Love you too,” Tony whispers back, tightening his arm around Gibbs’ chest and throwing a leg over the older man’s. “Don’t ever let me go.”

“Never,” Gibbs promises. “As long as you love me, you belong to me. I won’t ever let you go.”

“Forever?”

“Forever, beautiful.”

They kiss, a long, slow kiss, tongues gently caressing each other. Tony sighs into the kiss. “I believe you a little more now,” he says softly.

“Good. We’ll keep working on that,” Gibbs hand moves up and down Tony’s back, unconsciously mimicking the movements of his hands sanding his boat. “We have the rest of our lives for me to convince you of that.”

“That thought makes me so happy I don’t even know how to tell you,” Tony whispers. After a couple more soft kisses, he puts his head down on Gibbs’ chest, yawns, rearranges himself more comfortably on him, before his eyes close. “Love you,” he mumbles, falling asleep.

“Love you, too, beautiful.”

Gibbs lies there, rubbing soft circles on Tony’s back, whispering his love for the beautiful, sleeping man, hoping his words will seep into his subconscious, before he too, falls asleep, tangled in the arms of his beloved.


End file.
